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    I started working at a new job. Pacific Rim, an Asian cuisine restaurant. I didn't have any prior experience in the industry so I am content that my boss decided to trust me. I think my saving grace was that I knew some people that work there and he likes a tight community in the restaurant.

Connections, now I understand the true meaning of the word.

I love it thus far. I love the short shifts, the tips, the ringing up people, taking orders and playing bartender. I can't believe it took me so long to realize how much fun and productive the food industry is.

Hooray!! I made my first gin & gin juice (or something like that) yesterday, this makes me want to get my bartender's license. Anyway so I have this job (which I love in case you didn't read above) and now I need to focus more in writing, I need to write write and then write some more. I want to start submitting pieces and after that I need to search for jobs out west or even in Brooklyn (something that relates arts/fashion & writing).

It will probably take a while since my field is scarce and there are a billion other fresh out of college grads looking for the same goldmine but I think I've worked out enough good Karma to take me a long way..or at least $800 to pay for rent.

loving my new job,
Claudia

ps. I got to close the place by myself yesterday! I feel so trustworthy and adultishhhh.

I am one person with a very guilty conscious and the worst part of it is that I don't really have a reason to feel guilty. I'm just too anxious by nature.
I had an Anthro quiz today for which I didn't study because I had to work all weekend. I did very good on the last one so I didn't bother to check we had a quiz today.
I showed up to class late (it's a huge class anyway), the only pen I have is a bright red pen which looks like the type 6th grade girls write love letters with. Of course my paper has like 5 lines in it because I had no shit idea what the quiz was asking. I hand it in and the teacher gives me this smile " I know you didn't study and you were prob fake coughing in the back but did you have to use this pen"? I got really nervous whisper "hi, how are you?" and left the room fake coughing and made sure to cough really strongly once I stepped out. Almost like I was saying "i'm so sick but I tried to hold my cough in your presence".

 Haha I'm such a movie character.

Now I feel guilty about bombing that quiz, so I will hit the books and participate for the rest of the semester.

love,
didn'tstuydformyquizclaudia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_Disintegration

Theory of Positive Disintegration (TPD) by Kazimierz Dabrowski describes a theory of personality and personality development. Unlike mainstream psychology, Dabrowski's theoretical framework views psychological tension, anxiety, and depression as necessary for growth. These "disintegrative" processes are therefore seen as "positive," whereas people who fail to go through positive disintegration may remain for their entire lives in a state of "negative integration," unquestioning and unaware. The strongest potential for tensions that lead to advancement through positive disintegration stem from mental overexcitabilities, above-average reactions to stimuli. Unlike some other theories of development such as Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, it is not assumed that even a majority of people progress through all levels. TPD is not a theory of stages, and levels do not correlate with age.

This would completely change the way various mental disorders are treated & viewed in society. The social stigma would significantly drop down no to mention question where sanity lies in the first place.


  On a different note, I took cold medicine and mixed with 6 disgusting shots of tequila. I passed out in a random street and a scene was caused. While I appreacite the effort my friends made, since they were drunk themselves it was all a big mess. Ugh I feel absolutely disgusting. I am done with the bottle with the exception of champagne and a good wine here and there. I am considering detoxing my body from cigs, coffee alchohol and alcohol is  certainly doing me no good, lately it just makes me sick :(

us & the dance party. This is my favorite picture of the night.
Matt told us to do superhero poses, I was the only one to take him seriously duh!!oh dear claudia carolina, when would you learn my dear?

In case you are wondering I'm wearing my negligee. I take fashion by its balls.
My kinda ex Adrian was there & his girl who loves him was there & I was too..standing in my negligee. mhmm.

Caught a nasty little cold this week. My throat hurts endlessly and that is the worse for me. I can't deal with throat pain. I'm better now but still sneezing a ton, of course it didn't keep me from breaking free from sickness and going out on a Friday night.
Yesterday I went to a dance party on Pine St. (art studio) and since my nose was runny I kept doing the sniffles noise. At first I thought damn this might look funny but at the thought of how much blow there must have been in that room I think I fitted right in. right right in.

The party was hella fun. Claudia you're not from Cali, you can't say hella. Fuck you I love saying hella. hella it is. I reunited with these two girls I met a few days ago - Zohn & Sara. Everyone always thinks my friends and I go way back, in reality a lot of my friends are new. I just have a zest for meeting new people & once I do I tend to open up & be extremely friendly unless  the person shows sings of danger. This can be anywhere from a bitchy look to a sexist comment to several awkward pauses. I'm sure most people can think of some comment to make in order to elaborate a conversation!
But back to the party, it was fun when Mike did his djing set. He incorporates tons of poppish, electro, reggaish sounds so it makes for good dancing. When his friend Adrian took over he played hardcore electro & I kid you not, the xctasy & glow sticks came out of hiding. I felt like I was at a 1998 rave.
Overall the night was a lot of fun, except booze lacked. I ended up being too sober, not that I'm a drunk tart but I like to flavor something that doesn't resemble caught medicine which is what I ended up drinking with voka and diet (yuck) coke..oh and it was in a used unwashed cup because I was too dumb to think of washing it!!
See above post for the picture of the night.

I knew some people at the party here and there. It's good to actually know people when I walk into places. I remember the days when most faces were all pretty strange to me. I still feel queasy now and then when I have to stand alone somewhere while I wait for someone but I just learned to breath in, relax and let things unfold on their own.

Which brings me to Buddhism. I've read up somewhat on it in the past & while it is one of the few religions I feel attracted to gravitate towards, I've always found enough fault with their teachings to stay away from calling myself a "Buddhist".
That said I went through the list of the 8 noble truths and I feel I actually perform most of those truths on a daily basis, I was surprise to see "improvement of yourself" as one of the truths.  I practice that daily. As I practice to be non-harmful, to think better thoughts of others and the rest of the "truths". So I ask, am I an unconscious Buddhist? Am I a casual Buddhist? or Am I a fair weather Buddhist?

I went through a lot to post the picture in the above post. Too smart for life makes you too dumb for live journal.

I just received a call from a Sargent recruiting UVM students for the army and she asked if I was interested and I said a big loud NOPE. Silence for a minute, her talking to me some more and my answer was um no thanks, no no no. More silence on her part. Hah I guess it was childish & maybe a little insulting to her but I don't see the point of being called with these offers, can I call them and recruit officers against the war? Probably not.

I bet I've been put in a list of people who have no interest in protecting the country or something. She didn't sound too content.  Oh well, more of a  reason to move to Paris?

I feel sad and lonely and too lazy to post all about my glitzy modeling career.

Oh and I'm in love with my photographer. Well not in love but I do feel highly sexually attracted to him. He has a girlfriend and he is 43 yrs old. What is wrong with me? Well what isn't wrong with me is a better question...

I am sick of men, seriously they need to go fuck themselves. Just because I am good looking and friendly does not automatically mean I want to touch your balls and then when I don't touch your balls don't turn it on me ..."but but you smiled at me...I thought you wanted something"

What kind of misogynist shit is this? A man can go into a bar, sit, have a beer, talk to everyone in there and he is just having a good time.
A woman if not  being chaperoned by someone is a slut the second she has more than 3 conversations with different men.

 Do people just close their eyes to all this? I'm pissed.

Not that I should be one talking. I can never bring myself to admit to guys when I like them. The most I can do is flirt and they never make the first move so I never make the first move. I always fall for the shy guys who wait for the girl to make the move thus I never get said guys.

I also like guys I shouldn't like, ones with girlfriends, and I'll admit it even one guy who is related to someone I dated in the past. Jerry Springer material.